OK, folks, we’ve got a little something different this week. What you are about to read is the first thing I’ve ever written that’s moved a person to tears.

I wrote this for my basic broadcast writing class. You know, how to write scripts and stuff. This was our first assignment for writing a basic format, 2-column television script. The topic we were given was a rant. Go on for 30 seconds about something that bugs you. Now, I’m a fairly easygoing guy. There’s very little that bugs me. I was having trouble coming up with a topic, so, the muse finally whispered in my ear, and I came up with this: Nothing bugs me. I hate that I don’t hate. I wrote it out and handed it in.

Now, this is a script-writing class, so if we are feeling brave, we can stand before the class and perform our scripts. I thought this was a pretty silly piece and, thought I might get some laughs out of it. When my instructor burst into laughter after just scanning it, I knew I had to perform it. I stood behind the podium and mustered up all the mock anger I could. I sounded really angry when I bellowed out, “I’M GOING TO FAIL THIS CLASS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL!” I got my laughs and I got my applause. I returned to my seat, satisfied that I got my fix for the day. Then, the guy I sit next to pointed to a girl in the back of the class. “Dude,” he said. “You made her cry.” And yeah. There she was, drying her eyes.

It’s a week later now, and I still haven’t asked her, “So, why did you think it was so moving?” I still don’t see how it’s moving. So, I’m showing to you, my court of public opinion. I’m presenting it in its original 2-column television script format. Feel free to read it out loud. If it clocks in at 30 seconds, then I’m doing something right.

(PS If you know HTML, please tell me why everything in my table is big and bold)