Let’s face it. We all get crushes on celebrities. I mean, when they are always thrust before us as being the standard of beauty in society, it’s kind of hard not to. Whether it’s someone on your daytime soap, or a favorite talk show host. For most Trekkers, it’s someone from Star Trek. It could be anyone, just as long as we are always presented with their picture on a magazine cover, TV show, or movie poster. I tend to get quite a few crushes on celebrities, but luckily it has never evolved beyond the crush. It’s not like I’ve ever tried to break into their homes and steal their underwear, or have a shrine set up to them in my closet. If that ever does happen, I hope one of my friends locks me in my room until I get the courage to seek help. Nope, all I want to do is see them naked!
Perhaps I should specify what I mean by naked. I don’t mean one of those doctored photographs on the Internet. I don’t mean some blurry, black-and-white picture that was probably obtained through illegal means. I don’t mean full-blown hard core porn. What I mean is a nice, tasteful pictorial, kind of like what you’d find in the pages of Playboy magazine, and fully consensual by the woman being photographed. Not that I’m a connoisseur of nude photos or anything. I’m just describing what I’d like to see. Well, if you haven’t been turned away yet by my perversions, you probably want to see the list. Here then, in alphabetical order, are the 10 celebrities I would like to see naked!!
Amy Jo Johnson – She is currently on the breakout hit Felicity, but she first gained recognition as Kimberly, the original Pink Ranger on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. What can I say? Power Rangers first came on when I had just started high school. That tends to be a time when a lot of crushes develop. That, and I think I have a thing for pink spandex. Anyway, I have yet to see an episode of Felicity, but I did catch a bit of their Halloween episode. Amy Jo’s character went as Catwoman. You know, Catwoman in that black leather outfit from Batman Returns. And a woman dressed as the Pink Ranger figured into the plot! Talk about weird coincidences. . . .
Ana Gastyer – Perhaps the most out-of-left-field choice on this list. She is one of the current cast members of Saturday Night Live, and some of her characters include that high-school music teacher who’s always butchering the top 40, and the host of that radio show that does nothing but talk about food. Plus, she is the resident Martha Stewart impersonator. I can’t describe what I see in her. All I know is, she does something to me. And I think it’s a good thing. So, I hope you don’t ming, but this one will go unexplained for the time being.
Caroline Rhea – This Canadian-born stand-up comic can currently be seen as Aunt Hilda on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Plus, she’s on Hollywood Squares just about every week. What about her tickles my fancy? Maybe it’s that sense of humor. Maybe it’s that her stand-up act involves her sex life a lot. Maybe it’s because whenever I watch Hollywood Squares I hope she gets picked just so I can see her. I’m actually not to sure. She just has this indescribable quality about her.
Christa Miller – Can currently be seen as Kate on The Drew Carey Show. Part of my lust for her probably has a lot to do with the good-time-party-girl-with-a-heart-of-gold aspects to her character. The only time I’ve ever seen her outside her show is one time she was on Late Night with Conan O’Brian, and, in keeping with this list, she shared her tale of adventure on a nude beach in Europe! Yes, she was nude, if simply because her boyfriend urged her to do it. Man, I’d love to be her boyfriend! She strikes me as being somewhat of a free spirit, which is always a good quality to look for.
Courtney Throne-Smith – The majority of the world first saw her as one of the blonde vixens on Melrose Place, but I wasn’t aware of her until she started playing Georgia on Ally McBeal. Maybe it’s because her character isn’t as whiney as Ally. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t wear as many short skirts as Ally, leaving more to the imagination. Who knows? So many of my reasons (for all these people) rely on things I can’t put into words. As John Cage on Ally McBeal once said, “She makes my heart go boom.”
Gillian Anderson – Oh, sure, you’re going to say that the only reason why I’ve got her on this list is because she’s trendy right now. But, I’ve been following her exploits as Special Agent Dana Scully on The X-Files ever since that show premiered. And, as someone at one of my movie gossip sites said one time “People who have been watching the show for that long love her for her mind, not just her body.” Yup. Let’s go with that for now. She’s been in a few movies recently, and it would be worth my while to check them out.
Jill Hennesey – I knew all those reruns of Law & Order would take their toll eventually! She is best remembered from that show as Assistant District Attorney Clair Kinkaid. She’s kind of been out of the spotlight when she left that show a few years ago, but popular rumor says she has signed on to star in the eagerly-anticipated live-action Americanization of Mobile Suit Gundam. Now what is it about her? Classic good looks, pure and simple. Plus, in every winter scene in Law & Order she’s wearing that cute little toque. And, I heard somewhere that she’s from Edmonton, so she’s got this local-girl thing going for her.
Joely Fisher – She first stole my heart as Paige, one of the best friends of Ellen deGeneris on Ellen. I will admit, my memories of her were starting to fade, but then I saw her in this summer’s Inspector Gadget. Let’s just say a whole wealth of memories came flooding back. Especially in that scene in Inspector Gadget where she’s wearing the purple latex outfit. And, to top it all off, she’s a redhead. You know what they say about redheads. Actually, do you know what they say about redheads? I don’t. But still, she’s on the list.
Tea Leoni – She first rocketed into my heart as star of the short-lived sitcom The Naked Truth, in which she played Nora, a highly respected photo-journalist starting all over again at a trashy tabloid. And, she can be seen on the big screen in movies like Bad Boys, Flirting With Disaster, and Deep Impact. Her beauty can best be summed up in what I read about her when The Naked Truth first debuted: “A killer combination, with the looks of Madonna and the comedy stylings of Lucille Ball.” With words like that, how could you not want to see her naked?
Terry Ferrel – Currently on the sitcom Becker as Reggie, the owner of the local coffee shop. But, in my heart she will forever be Lt. Cmdr. Jadzia Dax on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. My friends will verify that my lust for her has been around for a while now, and is well documented. Hell, for the time being, she’s the only reason why I watch Becker! She’s got one of those smiles that light up a room, and such beautiful eyes. Plus, you’ve got to admit that just about any woman looks good in that Starfleet uniform.
And that’s all! Firstly, let me apologize for any names I may have misspelled. By now, you either think I’m a normal guy with normal crushes, or some kind of pervert who really needs to get a life. But hey, I’m a 22-year old virgin! Allow me my fantasies until the reality comes along.