A day long in waiting at long last happened. It was one of those days where you knew it was coming for a long time, but when you look back, it doesn’t look like it you’ve been waiting for it all that long. I’m sure that if you’ve been reading my online editions since they started, you have a clear idea of what happened.
My sister came back from Europe.

This, of course, meant a return trip to my beloved airport. I still like that building. There are lots of good vibes in an airport. You can just pick up on it when you walk in the door. There is this air of reunions, farewells, new beginnings and those endings you never thought were coming. My mood, however, was different than last time I was there. I can’t explain it. When I was there last, I was excited for my sister. She was leaving on a most excellent adventure from which she would be returning (most likely) a changed person. But now, I felt sad for my sister. Sad that her adventure had to come to an end. The whole time she was gone, her phone calls home reflected her change. The first few were scared and lonely. The last ones were full of confidence and exuberance. If she could only remain that confident, exuberant person. Only time would tell. But, for now, all I had to do was meet her.

She stepped out of the gate looking very much like a weary world traveler. The first people she hugged were my parents. Then, her boyfriend. Not me. This is one of the quirks of my sister that I’ve come to understand. I like hugging people. It’s a lot nicer than a handshake. But, my sister hates it when I hug her. So I don’t. We just look at each other and say “Hey.” So, we looked at each other and said “Hey.” Wanting to get home quickly, we made our way to the truck, and loaded her backpack. My parents were, of course, in the front, and my sister’s boyfriend and I kind of squished my sister in the middle of the back seat. As we approached the toll booth at the edge of the parkade, my parents got all panicked. Apparently, they had misplaced the little ticked stub that you present to the parking lot attendant. They frantically searched the dashboard, their pockets, the seat. Dad pulled over and got of the truck and looked under the seat. He then looked up to see that it was on the dashboard all along. At this point, I turned to my sister and said “Welcome home.”

When we reached Entwistle, it was time for her to divvy out the souvenirs, and regale us with tales of her travels. She mentioned how she unexpectedly ended up haggling with a person on the Eiffel Tower over a cheap souvenir Eiffel Tower. She told the tale of how an angry encounter with a rude waiter at a Rome restaurant resulted in her swiping cutlery from that restaurant. She confirmed that CNN report I saw that Stonehenge had become very much a tourist attraction. And, something every world traveler should now, Barcelona has a very good Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now, the good stuff. I had requested that my sister only bring me back three postcards: the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and Stonehenge. She brought me back at least a dozen. She brought me postcards of Notre Dame, the Mona Lisa, the canals of Venice, St. Steven’s Cathedral, paintings in the Picasso Museum in Barcelona, panoramic postcards of the bridges in Budapest, two (2!) of the Eiffel Tower, and one of Stonehenge at sunset. She was a little upset with herself that she didn’t get me any postcards from Rome, but I said that it was OK, and I’ll get one for myself someday. Oh, and she explained that she didn’t get me one of the Leaning Tower of Pisa because the town of Pisa is actually quite out of the way, and she didn’t get there. That’s OK. My favorite postcard? The gargoyles of Notre Dame. Oh, and besides postcards, she got me a Star Wars Episode I collector’s Pepsi can from Germany. That sounds like nothing, until you realize that all the writing on this can is in German, Darth Maul is on the can, and European pop cans are twice the size of ours. The can is unopened, but I’m not going to drink it. I’m assuming that German Pepsi tastes the same as Canadian Pepsi. Oh, and Episode I‘s title in German is Star Wars Episode I: Die Dunkle Bedrohung. (Translation: “The Dark Threat.”) Definitely a centerpiece in my Star Wars collection. And from here, it was time for my sister to go off to her boyfriend’s place, so they could have some privacy. Since my sister has always spent a lot of time at her boyfriend’s place, after she left I made the snarky comment that “I always like it when she comes to visit.” But, I’m glad she’s home.

And now, something else happened this weekend that I wasn’t really looking forward to: the Cappis family reunion! This is the annual event where I get together at some campground with all my uncles, aunts and cousins and watch them get drunk. It’s been ages since I’ve felt like I belonged with those people. Ever since I was younger, it seemed that at all these family functions, all the cousins would group together in similar age groups to hang out. Being the only one born in 1977, I have no age group to hang out with. And, now that we’ve all grown up, they have all become jocks and tradesmen, and could care less about a guy with a B.SC. in physics and math with an affixation for science-fiction. So, I often just sit there, listening in on their conversations, and partially existing in Markworld. It also hurts that I don’t drink, yet I come from a family of social drinkers. And, all of my cousins younger than me were sure to show off their lovers, once again hammering home the fact that I’m a 22 year old virgin. This is one of those situations where I go “My next computer will be a laptop.” Then, when they start drinking and talking about life at that plant, I can crawl off into a corner and play Need For Speed 3 over and over. I love that game. My next computer will definitely be powerful enough to run it.

Well, my cousins aren’t all bad. There’s my cousin Don. He likes Star Wars just a little more than I do. He’s the one who got me hooked up on ICQ. And, he always makes an effort to come over and see how I’m doing. Plus, as we were saying our farewells on Sunday morning, he asked me to e-mail him my URL, so there’s a good chance he’ll be reading this. Hi Don!

My sister said that when she was in Europe, she had found “her people.” A group, just like her, off on a most excellent adventure. She instantly connected with them, and made a whole new world of friends. I’ve always felt like I’ve been searching for the group where I fit in. I discovered a long time ago that it is not with my extended family. One of my aunts asked me where my life is, and I told her truthfully: it’s online. Everyone I feel that I ever connected with is on ICQ. Some people write letters, some make phone calls, I e-mail. And, I come from an extended family that has very little grasp of e-mail. I mention the World Wide Web, and they get a confused look on their faces. It took me a long time to find my people, and just when we were starting to really get to know each other, I had to go and graduate. Some of them have already invited me back to Augustana in September to visit. “It’ll be like being a student, but without the pressures of schoolwork,” one of them said in their invitation. It is a reunion that I can hardly wait for. It is a day long in waiting, and when it happens, it’ll seem like it wasn’t that long.

Hey there, all! Let me explain the set-up for this column. I have this one friend. Every once in a while, usually when it’s really late at night and I have nothing better to do, I send him an e-mail detailing things that are bugging me lately. It donned on me “Why don’t I leave my friend alone, and just convert these ramblings into a column?” So, what you are about to read is an actual e-mail I sent him! I’ll call him/her “Neelix” to protect his/her life. Here’s the letter:

Hey Neelix!

How’s it going? I was just having one of those nights where I’m bored out of my mind, so I thought I’d sent you a little something to say “hi!”
I see now that McDonald’s is having this special, where for another fifty cents or so, they’ll put bacon on your burger. They’ll put bacon on any of their burgers. When I heard about this I instantly thought “What’s the strangest thing you could put bacon on?” I now lie awake at night wondering what a Fillet-O-Fish with bacon would taste like.

Speaking of fast food, I’m sure by now we’ve all seen that A&W Papa Burger commercial. You know, the one where the wife is getting all ready for a romantic evening, and the husband is making all these romantic overtures. Then, to the wife’s dismay, he’s making all these romantic overtures to the Papa Burger. Those who have seen the commercial know that the husband is brought out of his stupor by being smacked by the A&W bear. This has led me to wonder: if the husband and wife are prepared for a romantic evening, what is the guy in the bear suit doing there? And do I really want to know? Reminds me of that line from the cartoon Futurama: “I don’t want to know what you’re doing with the one-eyed alien, the crab, and the Asian lady, but whatever it is it’s screwing up the TV reception.”

I really hate those GAP commercials that are currently on. You know the ones with all those people singing some kind of song in unison, and it ends with “Everyone in (insert name of clothing that the GAP deems “hot”). They are really getting on my nerves. I don’t know why. I think it’s because they have a creepy “You will be assimilated” feeling to them. I can see it now: “We are GAP. You will wear our fashions. Resistance is futile.” The whole GAP experience makes me nauseous. I went into one of their stores once, and it almost made me vomit. Literally. There was some kind of smell in the air that was making me sick. Besides, that and they are seeking to assimilate. I’ll continue buying my $9.95 Hawaiian shirts at Zeller’s, thank you very much.

Do you want to know something ironic? I don’t drink, yet I’m amassing a huge collection of beer mugs and glasses. I don’t know why, it just happened that way. I’ve got one that my Dad let me have from his collection. I got one that an aunt gave me for my 18^th birthday. I’ve got one from Red Lobster restaurants, because we went there for my birthday one year, and they were giving them away that night. I’ve got one from a garage sale that the ALCB once deemed the standard for all bars across Alberta. I’ve got one from Planet Hollywood, as thanks for everything I did for Augustana’s radio station in the 97/98 school year. And, I’ve got a beer stein from Germany. But, what bugs me is I’m missing one. My grandmother gave me one for Christmas one year. I kept it in its box, and on my desk. Then, when I went to college, my Dad spread out his beer-making stuff on my desk. When he moved his stuff, he claimed the mug for himself. After I got back, I put it back on my desk. When I came home from college back in April, my desk had been moved, and the mug missing completely. Since I’ve just started worrying about it now, I’m wondering if I should start pestering to get it back, or give it up. I’m thinking about giving it up.

Hey, did you know that the very first Masters of the Universe comic had He-Man teaming up with Superman? It’s true! This is how it went down. In another one of his efforts to break into Castle Greyskull, Skeletor opened up an inter-dimensional portal. But, Skeletor’s aim was off, and the portal opened up on Earth, where it sucked Superman through to Eternia. Since Superman tends to make his powers kind of obvious, Skeletor quickly put a spell on him, and used Superman to launch an assault on Greyskull. He-Man, Battle Cat, and Teela showed up to thwart this assault, and it became a slug-fest between Superman and He-Man. Eventually, the Sorceress of Greyskull was able to determine that Superman was under a spell and removed it. He-Man and Superman then teamed up to take down Skeletor for the day. The Sorceress then opened up a portal back to Earth, and Superman went home. Cool, eh? I don’t know why no one’s tried to resurrect He-Man as a comic book. I’d read it!

Finally saw I movie I’ve been wanting to see for a long time, and a movie people have been telling me to see for a long time: The Shawshank Redemption. That was just an amazing movie. And such a simple theme: in the direst of circumstances, hope survives. That guy Andy (played by Tim Robbins) never gave up hope. And that was cool. Like he said, there’s something deep down inside, that no one can take away. I’ll probably watch it again before I have to take it back to the video store. Hey, and the creators of that film are almost done a similarly-themed movie. Like The Shawshank Redemption, it takes place in a prison in the 50’s, is written and directed by Frank Darabont, and based on a book by Stephen King. It’s called The Green Mile, and it’s about a death row inmate who appears to have the ability to work miracles. Tom Hanks plays a guard who befriends this inmate. Looks pretty good. Hopefully, it is as a good as The Shawshank Redemption. Wow, that was good.

After that, I watched Mallrats. Mallrats has a special place in my heart. First, it was the first movie I saw at college, thus setting up my whole university existence. Secondly, it turned me on to the films of Kevin Smith. I don’t know, his movies just speak to me. The characters seem to be the most like me. Anyway, this is what I find cool. At the end of Clerks, we see the words “Jay and Silent Bob will return in Dogma.” At the end of Mallrats, we see “Jay and Silent bob will return in Chasing Amy.” And, at the end of Chasing Amy, we see “Jay and Silent Bob will return in Dogma. No, really. I mean it this time.” If all goes smoothly, Dogma will come out in November.

And, that’s a good place to leave this! See ya!

Scarecrow