Greetings, y’all! ‘Tis I, the Scarecrow, coming at you in print once again. I’m sure that by now, you have all seen my election posters plastered all around campus. That’s right! I want a piece of the pie! I want to run this joint! So, I have declared my candidacy, and put up my posters declaring the real issues, such as world domination. Within a couple of hours of putting up my posters, one of our esteemed _ag editors (the good one, not the one with the god complex) asked me to throw together a little article with my views on the forthcoming elections. So, this is my view askew of the other candidates. Let me just say, the gloves (and most of my other clothing) are off for these comments.
Greetings y’all. ‘Tis I, the Scarecrow, coming at you in print once again. Now, I am a person who is all for change and all for things for the better, but I am staring to have my doubts about these new editors of the Dag, or the Rag, or the Tag, or the Bag, or whatever they decide to call it this month. I met the new editors. I speak to the new editors. They are good people. And I will admit that their first issue was pretty good (except for that name thing, which ticked off a few people). But, it was a few weeks later as I was re-reading it and found something that something offended me.
Greetings, y’all! Here we are in the first edition of the Dag after Christmas break. Before I get into my usual mirthful column, I would first like to extend a cordial and warm welcome to all new students who are starting here this winter semester. Believe me, I stared in the winter semester and things are a lot harder for people like us. I mean, in the fall semester, there is this whole “O-Team week” to help new students like yourselves get used to your new surroundings. But, when you start in the winter semester, you are met with “Yeah, hi. We’ll tell you your room number as soon as the check clears. You’re on your own, kid.” So, since no one else is doing it, I would like to say welcome, and if you need anything, e-mail me.
Greetings, y’all! Scarecrow talking at you once again. Well, actually, I’m not talking to you. This is more like a transcript of a fictitious conversation we had in an alternate universe. Oh, how I love that alternate universe. Over there, I have listeners for my show. But, I digress. As we are all aware of at the moment, Christmas vacation is fast approaching. Since I too am a lover of all things festive, I would like to delve into some of my favorite aspects of Christmas. This is not a regular column of mine, this is more a collection of quotes and quips about Christmas, and how we love it.
Greetings, y’all! For those of you who missed the last issue, this is our story thus far….
Our esteemed editor and I were headed into the city for a day of fun and adventure at The A Channel and the Bear. All throughout our adventure at the A Channel, I confided to our editor that I felt like I had come across as Gomer from the sticks, just wandering around clicking pictures with an awe-struck look on my face. I came across as though I had never seen this level of technology and was just that quiet guy with the blank expression. For more details, see last issue. Our editor had convinced me that things would be different at the Bear, so we climbed aboard Amy (my name for our editor’s car) and we headed off to the Bear with renewed hope that I would no longer be a Gomer.
(Imagine that computer voice from Star Trek saying this next line) And now, the conclusion.
Greetings, y’all! I, the Scarecrow, am back in print once more. For all those who thought I was just something I was getting out of my system in the last few columns, ha! I’m just getting started! Before I get into the meat of this column, I would like to start with a quote from an article from the previous Dag:
“Scarecrow is a nut but he runs a good show.”
– Brad Goertz
Thank you, Brad! This is the kind of high praise I work for!! You don’t have any tact, class, or simple manners, but you have good taste.
Recently, on October 30th, I had the honor of accompanying our editor into the City of Edmonton for a day of excellent adventures. We were to spend the morning touring The A Channel, Edmonton’s newest TV station. The afternoon was spent at 100.3 the Bear, those guys we are always re-broadcasting on CLCR. Our adventure started at 9 in the morning, when our editor swung by the dorm to pick me up. Our editor started questioning his logic in bringing me along about 45 minutes into our trip, when I named his car “Amy”. But, soon I was drafted into being photographer extrordanare, snapping pictures all over the places we went.
Greetings, y’all! ‘Tis I, the Scarecrow, here once again. Before we get to my column, there is just one thing I want to say. Thee are two rooms on campus that I have to say are my genuine favorites. The first one would be the station, and the second would be the Dag office. It’s just a difficult feeling to describe. When you walk into these places, you just look at the decor, smell the air, and you instantly think “Here thar be students.” They are the two places where the student is the complete boss. The cafeteria is close, but the mouth-watering aroma of grey stuff on a shingle kind of overpowers the sensation. The coffee house is OK, but it’s too social. No, the best places on campus are the station and the paper, because there every student feels that sense of belonging.
Greetings, y’all! So, how was your summer? I hope it was as profitable as it was educational. Prepare to blow your savings! For those of you who are first year students, I welcome you to this, the first day of the rest of your lives. You have made a wise choice for your post-secondary education. And for all you returning students, why the hell did you come back!? Haven’t you learned anything yet? Anyways, we are all here.
Well, here it is. April. The end of another semester. The end of another year. The end of another season of “Chaos in a Box with the Scarecrow” (Wed @ 9 on CLCR). Actually, I am glad it is almost over. I find that my normal dreams of frolicking in the sunshine with Commander Dax and the Pink Ranger have quickly been replaced with nightmares of unending papers.
Have you ever had sex with a moose? Well, I have not. I was just stuck for an idea as to how I should start this, and I had a flashback to junior high. My class had just learned the importance of a good thesis statement, and one of my fellow students started his essay with “Have you ever had sex with a moose? Now that I have your attention….” Our teacher warned this student that such a thesis statement would be more memorable than the essay, and he was right. To this day, I remember that statement, but not the essay.