The Justice League of Star Trek

Chaos in Print

As we all know, there won’t be any new Star Trek movies. At least for a while. But, when Nemesis was about to hit theatres, and there was all kinds of coverage, I did happen to read an interview with Nemesis co-writers John Logan and Brent Spiner. They mentioned that, yes, they had a bit of a concept as to where to go for the eleventh film. Logan mentioned that the idea they had involved a concept that had been much rumoured by the fans: a movie with an “all star team;” a crew consisting of characters from The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager. Spiner added his two cents by saying, “It would be the Justice League of Star Trek.” So that just got me thinking. If I were to create my “Star Trek All-Star Crew,” who would it be?

Actually, I’m surprised no major sci-fi publications have attempted to write this yet, so I guess I’m going to be the first. I’m going to lay down a few rules, though, as I create my all-star crew. Firstly, the timeframe is NOT a factor. This way, I can have all characters mixing it up from the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th century. That means you can use an officer from any time. Secondly, I’m going to use the positions that we are most familiar with: those that we saw on The Next Generation and Voyager. (The original series and Enterprise did things a little differently, and I never quite figured it out on DS9.) That means, then, that the positions we are filling are:

– Captain
– First officer
– Tactical officer (the person who fires the big guns)
– Conn (the person who flies the ship)
– Ops (the person who runs the scanners and most of the ship’s scientific operations)
– Chief Engineer (the person who makes the ship go)
– Chief Medical Officer (the doctor)

So, I present now, in what’s usually shown as being the lowest ranking to the highest ranking, my Star Trek All-Star Crew!

Chief Engineer: Commander Charles “Trip” Tucker III (Enterprise)
Why: I know what you’re thinking: an Enterprise character made the list? Well, let me explain. Trip was in a very unique position. Unlike the original series, the Next Generation, and DS9, there were no starbases nearby to do repairs. Now, the same argument could be made for Voyager, but in Voyager, the all seemed rather comfortable with the fact that there was no help on the horizon. Plus, throw in the fact that Enterprise took place at a time when all this technology was being invented. Ingenuity was a daily part of the job…being a miracle worker was a necessity, not the cute character trait that it later became. That’s why Trip is my chief engineer.

Conn: Lieutenant Tom Paris (Voyager)
Why: There’s something that always stuck me as kind of cool about the character of Tom Paris. We have these starships; the biggest and most advanced vehicles of their kinds. But, their pilots always seemed like such over-glorified button-pushers. They didn’t fly the ship as much as they punched in the command for “evasive manoeuvre #169.” Then, along came Paris. He was the first Star Trek pilot that actually behaved and acted like a pilot! He loved getting behind the controls and trying to push it faster and harder…just like the test pilots of old. I don’t know about you, but when you’re flying one of the most advanced vehicles ever made, I want a guy who actually enjoys his job at the controls, not a button pusher.

Chief Medial Officer: Doctor Julian Bashir (Deep Space Nine)
Why: Crotchety old man who loves to tell you what he’s not? No. Redheaded mother with an unrequited love for the captain? No. Egotistical hologram? No. Alien holistic medical practitioner who fashions the antidote out of Tiberian bat droppings? No. Genetically enhanced super-doctor with a passion for frontier medicine? Yes.

Tactical: Lieutenant Commander Worf (The Next Generation)
Why: Was there any other choice? Granted, Reed showed his stuff in the Xindi war and Tuvok’s Vulcan logic worked great amongst all manner of Delta Quadrant baddies, but in the end, most every Trekkie wants a Klingon to be firing the big guns…it’s kind of like having Paris at the helm. At the end of the day, you know it’s a guy who loves his job.

Ops (also known as “Science Officer” back in the day): Lieutenant Commander Data. (The Next Generation)
Why: This was a tough one. While exploring the final frontier, you’re going to come across all kinds of vast, unexplored phenomena. Naturally, you’re going to want a freaking genius in charge of analyzing it all. And, they’ve all been freaking geniuses. So, T’Pol lost out because she was kind of arrogant. Harry Kim lost out due to inexperience. My beloved Jadzia Dax lost because, well, as much as it pains me to say it, she really didn’t do much except crack the secret of the Bajoran orbs. So, it came down to Spock and Data. And, at the end of the day, I just like Data more.

First Officer: Major Kira Nereys (Deep Space Nine)
Why: Another tough one. First officer didn’t become a specialized position until the time of The Next Generation, so I knew it should be someone from that timeframe. Chakotay makes #1 on another list – Most Useless Characters – so he’s out. That leaves me with Riker and Kira. Now, let’s be honest, Riker was an upwardly mobile kind of guy with designs on his own command. He’d be your first officer, but he wouldn’t be there for long. No, for first officer, you want someone who’ll reign in the captain and tell it like it is should the captain start to get too cocky. You need someone with the balls to tell it like it is. And that’s Major Kira.

Captain: Captain James T. Kirk (Original Series)
Why: Again, this was one where I didn’t have to think too much. This guy is a legend. He was the first and the gold standard by which all others were judged. He knows when to be diplomatic, he knows when to kick ass, and he knows how to inspire loyalty in his crew. The center chair belongs to Captain Kirk.

And that’s it. That’s my all-star crew. I know, I know, it seriously lacks the eye candy that Star Trek is known for. My only regret is that I couldn’t have found more room for women in tight uniforms. Oh, well. I’m fairly certain we’ll survive.

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