BG SFX: RESTAURANT ATMOSPHERE
MOM: I wonder why he called us here today.
DAD: He said he has a big announcement to make.
MOM: You don’t think he’s finally decided, do you?
DAD: That would be great if he did.
MOM: Because I don’t think I can afford to put him through another year of university.
DAD: We were fine when he wanted the first degree. Getting a second one seemed fine….
MOM: But now he’s halfway through his fourth!
DAD: There comes a time when a young man should grow up and start his life.
MOM: Make a living! Earn some money!
DAD: Give us some grandkids.
MOM: Now now. You said you’d lay off that today.
DAD: You’re right, you’re right.
MOM: How much longer do you think it’s going to take?
DAD: I don’t know. He probably just had a late class or something like that.
MOM: Ahh, here he comes now.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING MIC. CHAIR SLIDING OUT. PERSON SITTING DOWN.
SON: Mom! Dad! How are you today?
MOM: Fine, fine.
DAD: Doing good.
SFX: CLOCK TICKING (0:01)
SON: Well, I suppose you’re all wondering what I have to share.
DAD: What’s her name?
DAD: The girl you knocked up. When’s the baby due?
SON: No, Dad. That’s not it.
DAD: Crap! I knew it! He’s coming out of the closet!
SON: Dad! Mom, a little help?
MOM: Now, calm down, honey. I’m sure whatever our son has to share, it’s nothing as Earth-shattering as that. We’re all ears, son.
SON: Thanks, Mom. Well, you see, it’s like this. I know what I want to do with my life.
DAD: Oh, we’ve heard this before. We heard it before the first degree, we heard it before the second one –
SON: But this time it’s different, Dad.
SON: Yes! I know exactly what it is I want to do. I’ve run the numbers, and I know I can make a lot of money at it.
MOM: That’s wonderful!
SON: In fact, I’m doing it now.
MOM: Uh…OK. What company is it with?
SON: Oh, no company. You could say I’m self-employed.
DAD: Ugh. He’s begging us for money.
MOM: Be quiet. How long have you been doing it, son?
SON: All my life.
DAD: But son, you’ve done nothing for all your life.
MOM: That’s right. You’ve only been in school.
DAD: So, what, you’re a teacher?
SON: No. Mom, Dad, I’m going to be a professional student!
DAD: What the fuck?
SON: C’mon! I’ve been a student forever, and we all know I’m really good at it! I graduated from high school with honours. 3 degrees, each one magna cum laude. Being a professional student is my calling!
DAD: I don’t believe this nonsense.
MOM: Son, be reasonable. You can’t make any money from being a student.
SON: Yes I can.
DAD: Oh yeah? How?
DAD: Jesus Christ. You’re self-deluded.
SON: No, I’m not. Hear me out, Dad. When’s the last time I needed financial help?
DAD: Well…um…I really can’t remember.
SON: I’ve haven’t asked for money since my freshman year.
DAD: Which one?
SON: The first one.
MOM: Well, that may be, but what about your student loans?
SON: Made the last payment two years ago.
MOM: What about your other debts? Your car, your TV, your stereo?
SON: Paid, paid, and paid. I’m debt-free.
MOM: Wow. That’s impressive. You’re father’s been with the company for 30 years and still hasn’t –
DAD: Shh! Now son, so you may have gotten a little ahead thanks to some extra money from your scholarships. But you can’t make a living from them.
SON: This month I cleared 12 thousand dollars.
SFX: CLOCK TICKING (0:01)
MOM: 12 thousand?
SON: This month alone. This fisc – I mean school year, I look poised to make 6 figures.
MOM: Six figures?
SON: Well, after taxes and paying off next year’s tuition. Call it a necessary business expense. That is, if you and Dad approve of my career choice.
DAD: Son, it sounds like you’ve made a very wise career choice. Your mother and I will support you to the end!
SON: Excellent! I knew you’d see it my way! Steak and lobster is on me!
– END –