Driven to Distraction

Chaos in Print

Must write column…must write column…. Let’s see, what’s in the “Columns to be written” list? That one? No. I need to be in a better mood for that one. How about that one? Too dated. That one? No, it’ll be too long. Must write a column quick. My self-imposed weekly deadline is in 12 hours. Must write a column…. Until inspiration strikes, I think I’ll play Pokémon.

Ooo! I made it to the next town. Excellent. I do believe this is also where the next gym is…. Yes! Let’s go for the next gym badge. That’s odd. There’s an invisible something blocking the way to the gym. Well, then, let’s explore this town until we figure it out. Hey, there’s that friend of ours. And he’s showing off his latest invention. It shows invisible pokémon. That must be what’s blocking the way. Yes, I’ll take it please! Thank you!

Yup, there’s that invisible pokémon. Let’s see if we can catch it. Hey, cool! We did. The gym doors are open! OK, here’s the usual gauntlet of the gym leader’s underlings. Students? Apprentices? Never really explained. Wow, they’re a bunch of pussies. OK, gym leader, bring it on! Wow. I’m the pussy. She’s tough. Time for a new strategy. Actually, time for breakfast.

Mother’s Day. Time for the annual tradition of taking Mom to the Legion for their pancake breakfast. A bit better than the pancake breakfasts of the past. Ugh! Not a big fan of these eggs, though.

I love weather in Alberta. Yesterday, I was running around without a jacket, breaking out my shorts, and frolicking in the grass. Today, two inches of snow on the ground.

OK, breakfast is done. My Mother’s Day duty is done. Time to get back to writing. Let’s see. Any ideas yet? Hey! Let’s do that one we’ve been thinking about doing for the past few days. Today we’ve got the time. I think it can be done OK. Let’s do it!

But I’ve got to win that gym badge first. I’m sure I’ll get it this time.

OK, this time I’ll win it for sure.

This time! I can feel it!

Now! Now! I can do it now!

Argh! Me Grimlock need new strategy.

Let’s apply a little more thought. This pokémon is literally a rock. He can take a beating. Let’s get him in the mix. That one gym leader’s pokémon seemed susceptible to ice attacks. Don’t I have a freezing beam attack I can teach my pokémon? Yes, I do! Let’s teach it to that one. But the gym leader still has that steel pokémon. Hmm. I don’t know what’s strong against steel pokémon, and I don’t have a steel pokémon. Hey! Where’s that invisible pokémon I caught? He’s a chameleon pokémon. If he gets attacked by a steel pokémon, he turns into a steel pokémon. Let’s use him. This should do it.

Yes! The feather badge is mine! Six badges down, two to go, and I’m off into the championships!

OK, time to write that next column. Let’s get that brilliant idea on paper! But let’s check e-mail first. Nothing. OK, let’s write it!

But I’m sure I can make it to the next town. Off to the next town!

Almost at the next town. Hey, what’s this? Safari Zone? Pokémon preserve? Catch as many as you can? Let’s check this out. $500 to enter? Why not? Do do do…checking out the Safari Zone. Looking for a rare pokémon. La la la. Oh my God.


Must capture psyduck.

Damn! He ran away. I’ve still got six hours to write a column. My goal at this point is clear.

Must capture psyduck.

What’s that? Suppertime? Aw, man. Mother’s Day smorg at the Chinese restaurant. My God, this gyoza is horrible. I miss Japan, if only for the Chinese restaurant down the street from work which made the best gyoza. Heh. I remember the town up the line from Kumagaya. Gyoda. Gyoda…gyoza…I wasn’t the only one who made that mistake.

OK, that’s done. Must capture psyduck. But let’s do this right. Let’s go back to the bike shop and get the faster bike. Let’s go to the contest centre and mix up some pokeblocks for bait. Alright. Let’s do it.

We’re back. Where’s that pond where we found psyduck? There it is. OK. Here psyduck…here psyduck. A ha! There you are. That’s right. I’m a nice guy. Don’t run from me. Here, have a pokeblock. That’s right. It’s tasty. See? I’m a nice guy. I’m not going to hurt you. POKEBALL GO!

I caught Psyduck!

Three hours left to write a column. Can’t use that brilliant idea now. Oh, well. I’ll just write about what I did today. I’ll put it in the present tense, too, so it sounds arty.

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