Midnight Ramblings XVII

Chaos in Print

NOTE: You all know how it works by now! “Midnight Ramblings” is the code name of America’s #1 freedom fighting force. It’s purpose: to stop Cobra, an evil terrorist organization determined to rule the world!

Hey Neelix!

So, how ya doing? Enough about you! So, I spent another day in Edmonton. Did you know West Edmonton Mall has a hemp store now? It’s called “Two Guys With Pipes.” Fascinating. But what really pisses me off are the prices in Silver City now. For what it cost me to see one movie in Silver City was the same amount it cost me to see two movies two years ago. And the refills! Silver City used to have free refills for large pops and large popcorns. Now, they charge $1. I blame natural gas prices. I bet you that fire-breathing animatronic dragon they’ve got hanging from the ceiling goes through a lot of natural gas.

And my impulse buy of the day! I know my latest column said my Star Wars action figure collection was complete, but when I saw this, I just had to have it. I am now the proud owner of 300th Edition Boba Fett! This is the 300th Star Wars action figure made. Boba Fett is posing in his classic “aiming laser rifle” pose, and has the urban mythological rocket firing action feature!

And in other Star Wars action figure news, available exclusively at the Star Wars online store is the most eagerly anticipated Star Wars toy of all time: The Carbon Freezing Chamber Playset! It’s got a little laser cannon, a holding cell, and a little block of carbonite you can freeze your Star Wars figures in. It even comes with an exclusive Bespin Security Guard action figure! Now, recreate the end of Empire Strikes Back in your own home!

“I love you.” “I know.”

“Chewie, don’t! There’ll be another time! You’ve got to take care of the Princess now.”

“Obi-Wan has taught you well.” “You’ll find I’m full of surprises.”

“But you said Leia and the wookie could stay with me!” “I’ve altered the deal! Pray I don’t alter it any more!”

And the Bespin Security Guard just stands around trying to look all bad-ass.

After browsing at the Star Wars online store, I did some reading up on Hugh Jackman, and ya gotta hand it to the guy. Because he made his big debut playing Wolverine, he could just do nothing but action movies, but he’s not. He’s currently filming a romantic comedy called Kate and Leopold. He plays Leopold, an 18th Century nobleman who’s transported to the modern age by a time travel experiment gone horribly horribly wrong. Now, in the present day, he falls in love with the scientist in charge of the time travel project, Kate, played by Meg Ryan. Jackman’s already got another romantic comedy done, called Someone Like You, if I remember right. It came out a few months back, starred Ashley Judd, was a huge bomb. But, his next movie coming out is Swordfish. He plays the world’s best computer hacker, blackmailed into one last heist by corrupt CIA agent John Travolta. I haven’t been following it’s development online, but the TV ads have begun running and it looks kinda cool. The most shocking thing about Swordfish is who plays Hugh Jackman’s girlfriend in that film: Halle Berry. That’s right! This film features hot sweaty make-out scenes with Wolverine and Storm!

I can’t make a graceful transition into something about video games, so I’ll just launch into it. You once told me that there would be no Super Mario games for the Game Cube, Nintendo’s big next-generation system. Well, guess what? I was watching CNN today, and they were talking to a Nintendo representative about the November launch of the Game Cube. They said that one of the first games would be Luigi’s Castle. In it, you are Luigi, battling all sorts of ghouls and goblins to rescue a kidnaped Mario. I think they just made Luigi the hero to try and calm the backlash that arose when he wasn’t in Super Mario 64. And, of course, keeping with Nintendo’s current flagship line, there’ll be a Pokémon game for it.

I finally bought the first two Pokémon movies on DVD. I was a little disappointed with the DVD of Pokémon the Movie 2000, as it wasn’t as loaded a DVD as the first movie. But, it was notable for one reason. The Movie 2000 has a little featurette about the making of the soundtrack, and it features a few quick shots of “Weird Al” Yankovic in the studio recording his song Polkamon, and he does have a soundbite about “being honored to have the only polka on the album.” Being the Weird Al completest that I am, it was a wonderful unexpected bonus.

So, I’m gearing up for the big final episode of Star Trek: Voyager, and I’m stunned that they wrote Neelix out of the show with two episodes to go! I guess they felt it best to wrap up his character’s arc before they wrap up the arc. And reflecting on Neelix leaving, it was kind of nice the way Tuvok said good-bye to Neelix. The episode started with a party scene, and Neelix trying to get Tuvok to dance. Tuvok said, “Vulcans don’t dance,” to which Neelix replied that before they reached Earth, he’d see Tuvok dance. So, at the end, as Neelix is boarding his ship, the crew of Voyager is all lined up to see him off. As Neelix turns to board, Tuvok says, “Mr. Neelix!” Neelix turns, Tuvok steps forward, does a couple lame-ass dance steps and says “Live long and prosper.” Even though they didn’t like each other that much, they evolved this mutual respect that was good. I think, originally, they wanted Tuvok and Neelix to be like Spock and Bones of old; one the down-to-business logical one, the other the great defender of all things emotional.

And in HMV today, you’ll never believe what they are selling now. They are selling the movie poster for…Transformers: The Movie!! And along with it, they have two other Transformer posters: one that’s simply the Autobot logo, and one that’s simply the Decepticon logo. This got me to thinking about what kind of advertising campaign they could have had for Transformers: The Movie. Picture this. Two teaser posters. One featuring the Autobot logo, the other the Decepticon logo. Of course, they’re redone slightly, perhaps made to look metallic and given a bit of a 3-D quality. And, on each poster, above the logo, it simply reads, “One shall stand. One shall fall.” And below the logo, “Summer 86.” Or, as a bit of foreshadowing to Optimus Prime’s ultimate fate, the DECEPTICON poster could simply read, “One shall stand,” and the AUTOBOT poster could simply read, “One shall fall.” I tell you, I should get into movie marketing.

Another dream of mine is the live-action movie version of Gargoyles. Yeah, I know, it probably won’t get made unless I become a film-maker and make it myself, but I’ve already got the teaser cut together in my head. My inspiration was the teaser for The X-Files movie, where we see a whole bunch of obscure clips while a narrator talks about aliens and conspiracies, and we’re not sure what movie it is until we here Scully’s voice simply ask, “Mulder?” So, this is how my Gargoyles teaser would go. We would have a montage of clips from the movie, but never showing us a whole gargoyle. It would be things like: a statue cracking, exposing flesh underneath. Steel Clan robots marching down a street. Xanatos at this desk. Elisa doing cop things. Shadows of gargoyles moving along walls. Jackal and Hyena. And, over these clips, our narrator reads snippets of the cartoon’s classic opening narration: “Stone by day. Warriors by night. Betrayed by the humans they had sworn to protect. Frozen in stone by a magic spell for a thousand years. Now, in Manhattan, they live again.” “They live again,” is spoken over complete darkness. Then, we hear Goliath speak, and his line is a tip of the hat to Transformers: The Movie. Still in darkness. “Xanatos must be stopped.” Lights come on. A beautiful CGI shot of Goliath, flexing his wings, preparing to take flight. “No matter the cost.” Goliath, flanked by the others, takes wing into the night. The classic Gargoyles theme roars through our THX sound system! Huge battle scenes between the Gargoyles and others! Ending with “Gargoyles. Next summer.”

And that was my day in the city!


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