Oh No! He’s Introspective Again!

Chaos in Print

I hate it when I get this way. Occasionally, something will happen to me in my life where, for the next few days, it will make me all moody and introspective. I begin to analyze my short life in minute detail, and begin to ask myself “What is the purpose?” “Why am I doing this?” “Is this all I’m destined to be?” I hate it when I get this way, because I become so unpleasant to be around. But what’s always weird is what sets off this mood. It’s always the littlest of things. This time, what set it off was watching the 25th anniversary special of Saturday Night Live.

I know what you’re thinking: “How could watching something so funny set off this unpleasantness?” I’ve been wondering that myself. At first, I thought it was because they said Conan O’Brian was going to be one of the presenters, but as the show drew to a close, he wasn’t on stage once. That depressed me. Then I started thinking “Wow. This show has been on for 25 years! That’s amazing! What an achievement! Wouldn’t it be cool if I were able to do something that lasts for 25 years and shapes society, like Saturday Night Live has?” And that’s what set it off. That question, in which I began wondering if I had done anything that would still be remembered in 25 years. I mean, I’m only 22, so if I wanted to do something that would still be remembered in 25 years, I should have gotten it in motion when I was -3 years old. But I didn’t. And now, here I am. I haven’t started anything big, grand, or world changing to be remembered for years to come. I’ve done nothing with my life!

But then, I started cheering up. I thought “Hey! I’m only 22! Lorne Michaels was 30 when he came up with Saturday Night Live. I’ve got eight years still!” So then I start thinking what am I doing right now to change things? What am I doing now that will still be remembered in 25 years? And I’m doing. . .nothing. No one is going to remember me in 25 years! I’m probably going to still be stuck in my parents basement, watching TV and writing this silly column! I’M GOING NOWHERE! I’m stuck here! My life has become a swirling void of nothingness!

Let’s elaborate on the nothingness for a while. I knew that my life had become this void just the other day. There was nothing much on TV, but soon I found something that caught my eye. I must admit I found the program quite engrossing. It had action, drama, comedy, it was perfect! Yup. You guessed it. I was watching. . .wrestling. The WWF to be specific. Now, I know that there is nothing wrong with watching wrestling. In fact, my grandfather watches it. And because he watches it, I’ve always seen it as being a program for old men. So, just I was getting into it, I started thinking “Oh my god. I’m a young, virile 22 year old, but I’m acting like an old man. Why? My life isn’t over! I must find something else to watch!” Luckily, it was time for Pokemon. I’ve got to stop watching that show, too. I’m starting to see homosexual sub-text between Ash and Pikachu. God, my life has gone nowhere fast.

This didn’t help when I was watching my Star Trek reruns this morning. The episode was “Tapestry.” Remember that one? It’s where Capt. Picard has a near-death experience, and meets Q in the afterlife, and Q sends him back in time to when Picard was a fresh-faced young ensign, and gave Picard the chance to change the future and avoid his death. It is one of the best episodes of The Next Generation. But it’s good for getting a person thinking. “Gee. What could I have done differently in my childhood to change where I am now?” And you know what? I could probably do squat! There was nothing wrong with my childhood! But the episode did teach me one thing: we’ve got to take chances.

See, Picard changes the future, but finds that his life is changed. Instead of being a captain, he’s a lowly Lieutenant (J.G.). In his alternate life, he became a person who played it safe, and never took chances. And that kept him from becoming a captain. So, maybe I’ve never taken enough chances in my life. Maybe that’s why I’m unemployed. It’s scary out there, and I don’t want to take any chances. But, I have to if I don’t want to be broke and living in my parents’ basement. It’s starting to set in right now. I miss the freedom of being on my own. I miss having my own phone line. But when I do move out, I’m going to miss cable. But, I have friends, who’ll tape me my shows until I save up enough money to get one of these little satellite dishes! And who knows? Cable’s not that much. All I really need is basic. I think. We’ll see. I have to get my own place, call whomever the local cable company is, and find out which channels are in the basic package! But I need to take a chance. I’ve got to start putting myself out there, looking for something. I’ve already set the goal for myself that I want to have a job by Halloween. So, I’ve really got to knuckle down and start looking.

I can see it now: I get some little job somewhere, and my own little place. I spend my days working and my evenings writing my novel. When the novel is published, I get a huge advance on my second novel, so I quit my job and become a full-time novelist! A few years go by, and I begin to get fed up at how the Hollywood system is screwing up the movie versions of my books. So, I become a film-maker, so I can do my books justice on the big screen. I quickly become the toast of Hollywood, and I am soon asked to be a guest host on Saturday Night Live. Isn’t nice how these things come full circle?

I can feel myself cheering up as I write this! Things aren’t as bad as they seems. I’ve still got a lot of life in front of me. I can still do great things. We are all capable of great things, or at least that’s what I’ve been lead to believe. We just have to take a chance. Will I be taking a chance in the next few weeks? I hope so. Will I be employed by Halloween? I think I will be. Will I do something that will shape society and change the world? Well, for an answer to that one, I’ll see you in 25 years.

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