The End is Near


Well, here it is. April. The end of another semester. The end of another year. The end of another season of “Chaos in a Box with the Scarecrow” (Wed @ 9 on CLCR). Actually, I am glad it is almost over. I find that my normal dreams of frolicking in the sunshine with Commander Dax and the Pink Ranger have quickly been replaced with nightmares of unending papers.

In case you have not determined it yet, it is I, the Scarecrow, coming to you in print once again. With this year’s batch of programs coming to a close, I thought that there were certain thoughts and feelings that I want to get across to you, my loyal listeners, and those of you who still have not heard of my show. Plus, I get to plug my final episode extravaganza, Wednesday, April 16, in my usual timeslot. A wise man once said that with every end comes a new beginning, and I am hoping that this is the same.
True, my show is almost over, but there are many things to look forward to. For example, June 20th of this year, the new Batman movie comes out. According to my cyber-spies on the Internet, James Cameron is inches closer to making his movie version of Spider-Man. So, I ask you that even in this darkest hour, keep your chin up, and don’t worry about little ol’ me.
But enough about me. It is time that I share with you those thoughts and feelings that I feel I cannot share in my final episode (Wed. Apr. 16, 9 PM). Basically , it all boils down to the fact that I am a man, and can therefore not verbalize my true feelings. I have always been told that I am a pretty nifty writer, so I will turn a phrase to express my thoughts. First, in a direct rip-off of many awards shows, I want to thank those who made my show what it was this year.
1. I want to thank Lowell Dahlman, CLCR’s station manager. He was always there for me when I needed to find out what broke now, and who had the mini-disk player this week. All in all, he was a good man, a great manager, and an inspiration to the station (I embellish a little because I have a few shows left and I do not want to tick off the administration)
2. I want to thank Kiersten Hainstock (I apologize if that’s spelled wrong), whose scathing article in the Dag a few issues back brought about a few much-needed reforms. I salute you for your bravery and your courage. (I say this because I do not want to tick off what could be next year’s administration)
I should mention now that while I am writing this, I do not know who will be running things next year.
3. I would also like to thank those near classic cartoon characters, Pinky & the Brain. Why do I thank them? Because they taught me a valuable lesson. One night, when I didn’t have very many listeners, and felt like ending the show, I went home and watched an episode of Pinky & the Brain. Once again, they failed to take over the world, and once again, they vowed to try again tomorrow night. It was then I realized that I should remain persistent. I should keep doing my show every week (Wed @ 9 on CLCR). One of these nights I am going to have a listener, which would be the equivalent of Pinky & the Brain achieving world domination. Next time someone says TV isn’t educational, tell the moron to watch Pinky and the Brain.
4. I would like to thank Kenten Bowick, editor of the Dag. Thanks for printing my original article about my show, a few of my goofy top ten lists, and for (hopefully) printing this article. Also, I would like to thank you for your kind words of advice. If all goes well, my 11 year quest to obtain a copy of Transformers: The Movie soundtrack might finally be over.
5. I want to thank Commander Dax and the Pink Ranger. Why? Because they’re babes!
6. I would like to thank everyone I ever made fun of on the show (Chaos in a Box, Wed. @ 9). So, that would be my (ex-)roomie, that zane-y guy, the quiet one who lived across the hall, and, for this year, the obsessive-compulsive trekkie who lived down the hall, the God who lives next door, his girlfriend, and assorted other residents of Moi hall. The best jokes are the ones I didn’t say on the air. Oh, and I want to thank my favorite group to poke fun at, the RAs.
7. I don’t want to thank Disney for cancelling Gargoyles.
8. I want to thank one of the greatest cartoons ever made, Samurai Pizza Cats. Talk about a pick me up!
9. And finally, I want to thank you, my listeners. All 12 of you. I would like to thank each and every one of you personally, but since this is the last issue of the Dag, they might be pressed for space.


Well, is there anything more I want to say? Yes. How about I share my hopes and dreams for the future? There are really only four things I want in life, and they are not Commander Dax and the Pink Ranger twice. All I want is to pass all my courses with decent marks, so I can get a good job and pay off my student loans in 50 years. I want a woman who will love me for what I am: a freakish little geek (I’m working out some low self-esteem problems). I really want James Cameron to do his movie version of Spider-Man, and I really, really want to do my show forever. The first three things may be possible, but I am not sure about the fourth.
Next year, my work load as a student will be double what it is now, and, as always, there is the big debate over why we need a station. Sometimes, something like this can really get a guy down. But, if there is one thing I have discovered, that is that the real Scarecrow is never confined to Arkham Asylum for long. In a few weeks, he is out and wreaking havoc on Gotham City once again. So, my final thought for you is that like the Beatles, Star Trek, and the Terminator, the Scarecrow will be back.
And, God willing, draped on one arm will be Commander Dax, and on the other will be the Pink Ranger.
Good-night, everybody!!

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